yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
