My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
