So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alive.
So much puke
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
