Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this boner is exhausting
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
