How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
