I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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