I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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