you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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