She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
