fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
