Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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