The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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