Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
