I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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