you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
