He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
