They should really pass out barf bags in church
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
