my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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