i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
