Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
