My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
