Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
