i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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