Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
