i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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