i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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