There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
