There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
