I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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