Im at strip club and am horny
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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