i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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