"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
