I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
