So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
