The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
