Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
