Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
