Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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