He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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