Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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