Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
