She's JV to your varsity
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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