ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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