In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
