what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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