we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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