also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
