i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
