Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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