dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
