Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
