come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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