Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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