everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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