In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
